Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’m a serial monogamist, and this week I’ve been thinking a lot about my unicorn. I know what everyone is thinking, why the fuck is she talking about unicorns? My unicorn is not the mythical horse with the rainbow horn; it’s actually just as mysterious and hard to catch though. My unicorn is my dream man, the kind that has everything you could possibly want but they won’t be with you exclusively for shit. I know plenty of women and men who have unicorns, and we’re all out here struggling to let go. There is nothing worse than having one person who makes you feel like that Ella Mai song “Boo’d Up”; and just like those lyrics say, “now I’ll never get over you until I find something new, that get me high like you do”. Yeah, that person just popped into your head; cue the stressed out emoji face. A unicorn can make everything feel perfect and get you so high nothing can piss you off; then something does piss you off, and your unicorn is right there to make it better. Then your unicorn pisses you off and your stuck because although that unicorn ain’t shit, there is no one else out there like him/her. Believe me, I know because I have tried to replace him, and nobody is reaching that level. Probably another reason for my series of relationships.
I met my unicorn 3 years ago. He was dusty , and looked like he needed my help when we met, and so our friendship was formed based off me thinking he was cool but could use some work in the social department. His dress game was weak, and something about him was kinda creepy, but not a bad creepy; just creepy enough that no one would want to date him. We connected over music and other stuff that most people at HBCU’s don’t give a fuck about. Time went on, and I kinda gained feelings for him. He began to dress better, cut his super curly fro, and toned up his muscles a bit. He got really cute out of nowhere y’all. Then he started doing the most for some random girl he met, and although I supported it, I was definitely jealous. He once gave shawty a picnic lunch on a roof, with crab legs and wine, and he also wrote her a song. At the time, I had dudes on my line so why should I care right? It was just something about him, but I tried to convince myself I was trippin’. Then, it happened; he joked about us having sex, and at the end of the conversation I was telling him we should do it for real. Biggest mistake I ever made. We chose the date, and although I was curious about his skills I thought he would be mediocre, and I could move on and continue our friendship as is. WRONG!!! This man took me half way across the world and back in an hour. I had an orgasm for the first time with him(several actually), and realized I DID NOT KNOW WHAT SEX WAS BEFORE. That one hit had me hooked, and for three years I have been back and forth; trying to move on, not wanting to let go, and trying to find someone that makes me feel like that. No one comes close.
Not only was the sex amazing; but he’s a writer, musician, and super smart guy that can cook, is very clean, and gives a fuck about his hygiene. We can talk on the phone for hours about anything, and laugh till our stomachs come out of our chest. Thus, making him a unicorn. I find myself always comparing other people to him. No matter how long we go without speaking because I’m mad about something, I find myself back in that same spot again. Recently though, he said something that I can’t forgive so we may be finished forever. I’ll talk about my unicorn again later down the road, and fill ya’ll in on all the drama that comes with him. Long story short, he is incapable of being in a relationship because of his own issues and traumas. He could give me his story a million times; and I still won’t understand how two people with amazing ass chemistry, an awesome friendship and great sex to top it off could just not be. Then I realized, he’s a unicorn for a reason; unicorns aren’t suppose to belong to anyone….. they just be out here popping up and disappearing, remaining mysterious as fuck. People, we are not catching these unicorns; but what’s the alternative? Do we continue to try and top them, or just settle for someone who doesn’t quite make you feel the same way? Welp, that’s all I have for today. I’ll return next week.
P.S. This week, the lovely woman gracing your screens is the incomparable Dorothy Dandridge. Type that unsung beauty’s name into google. See ya.