Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I haven’t been in the mood to write which is why this post is on bpt. I recently spoke with an older lady, and we began to discuss sex. She told me that she has NEVER HAD AN ORGASM. I froze for a bit after she said this; I mean damn, this woman was in her 70s! I asked her, what on earth was she having sex for then? She said, “I just thought it was something we’re supposed to do, and of course I wanted children, so I did it but I never really enjoyed sex”. I immediately felt sorry for her and I can’t stop thinking about it. A woman going all of those years without enjoying the sex she was having. I began to think about how many women in the world are in the same predicament; never really getting there, just laying there while their man finishes. Women have been faking orgasms, and boosting up men’s egos for centuries; at what point do we draw the line and say NO, this is not working. When do ALL of us decide that mediocre sex is not normal, and we deserve better. For my ladies that know full well what an orgasm is, know their likes and dislikes, and refuse to settle for less than the best, claps to ya! My ladies who don’t know, or do know but continue to settle, you deserve better, I’m rooting for you! We do not have to settle, and the thing is most people settle before they get the chance to know what real sex feels like.
I dated this guy once who thought he was the man in these sheets (Jeezy Voice). He was so loud about all the things he was gonna do to me. I have realized that most dudes who say they bout it, ain’t really bout shit; it’s those quiet ones we gots to watch out for ladies! The quiet ones will have you doing things you never thought you would; but the loud obnoxious ones, them fools are a whole joke. Back to this guy though. There was no foreplay involved, he went straight to it, which means he could care less about my pleasure. He finally got going and in the words of my girl New New from ATL, this dude was a quick pumper. Now, eventually he got a lil rhythm going, and we had a few different positions, but i did not have an orgasm. Not one. I really liked this guy though, and at some point even loved him; so of course my lack of knowledge on sex and me thinking he was the Darius Lovehall to my Nina Mosley (I was young don’t judge me), allowed me to believe this was okay. I had no idea that pleasure was something I should have been getting, and as far as I was concerned I had got it. I thought that was all sex had to offer, and often did anything I could to get out of having it. How pathetic is that? When I finally had good sex, I refused to turn back. I often think back to that relationship and how much better it would have been if our sex life had been better. Yes, it sucks that he didn’t educate himself to know how important pleasuring a woman is; but it also sucks even more that I didn’t know, and therefore couldn’t express it to him.
For some reason in this country, sex is such a taboo thing; talking about it freely is still such an awkward conversation for people, and I don’t get it. Sex is natural, and it’s something we as human beings need, yet people get so tense when it’s brought up in conversation. Taking the taboo out of sex is the first step to women having better orgasms. I can’t imagine how many women could be having better sex if they were just open to the conversation. I was so afraid to have sex when I was younger, because I didn’t want to disappoint my family and be labeled as a hoe by society; I saw way too many friends go down that path, I can’t believe I used to think that way, it was so toxic. Sex is more than just a way to make babies, and losing your virginity does not give you a scarlet letter on your chest! Sex is great for your body; it relieves stress, improves your bladder control, improves your sleep, and has even been said to improve heart health. Face it people, we need sex like we need water and food. So, if that’s the case, why aren’t women enjoying sex? Studies show that about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone, and 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances. Me personally, I believe that if more of us are educated about sex early on, it would take away the stigma of enjoying sex, as well as conversations around it. After removing the stigma, more women and men would care enough to learn their bodies, sexually, and we would have less women making excuses for not being able to scream in pleasure. Men, we need you to educate yourself on the vagina. Women, I want us to always value our own pleasure, and for my women who are over 70; rediscover yourself, get a vibrator of some sort and seek the joy of an orgasm, if you aren’t doing so already. That’s all I have for now, I’ll be back next week hopefully! If you liked this post or any others, hit the follow button so you know when I’m coming.
P.S. The picture you see today is of the genius behind some of my favorite shows, Mara Brock Akil. She’s the reason we had Girlfriends, The Game, Being Mary Jane and more. She created characters for black women to see themselves in. I stan. Look her up.