Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. Today I wanna shed light on the girl best friend. Most women and men have at some point in their life had a best friend of the opposite sex, and once one of you gets into a relationship it can cause issues ( for both the friendship and the relationship). Some people are mature enough to understand that these platonic friendships can exist and not be a threat to the relationship, and then there are times when that simply isn’t the case. If the girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t secure in themselves, they could have an issue with the friendship and drive a wedge; then there are the times when the friendship really isn’t platonic and clearly something more is going on. When your best friend is of the opposite sex, they should try to become friends with your significant other, and/or there should be a level of respect and boundaries for both of them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want you to meet their “bestfriend” then it’s possible that more is happening there; and if they at any point had more than a friendship or a sexual relationship, then boundaries need to be put into place. I’m a strong believer in trust, and being secure in your relationship but when bae is making you question that, it’s time to have a conversation about it, and maybe one with the best friend as well.
My ex had a best “girlfriend” that he was very close to, he would talk about her all the time and he admired her; I was secure enough in myself to not have an issue with his friendship with her in the beginning. The woman was older than him, and seemed to really have her life in order, they also worked together. Everything was fine with the three of us until he mentioned to me he lived with her at some point (skkkrrrrttt); I didn’t jump to any conclusions or think the worst but I was curious to know more so I began to ask some questions. I asked him if they were more than friends and he said they had a sexual relationship at one point, then I asked if this was the reason he moved out of her basement and he said that was part of the reason; at this point I’m feeling a little uneasy about the nature of their friendship but I also knew he spent most of his time with me and if he wasn’t with me he was at work or with his daughter, so I didn’t let it phase me too much.
Eventually, the dynamic our relationship began to change, and he was spending less time with me, and seemed to be missing our dates or showing up late all the time; he was also spending time with his “girl-friend” and doing a lot of things for her, going to her house late nights to help put something together and going to her family events with her grandkids ( can’t even have your men around a grandma these days); and so suspicion crept in. I’m not the go through your phone type, and honestly I can’t believe I stooped that low but that man had me coming all out of myself; I was at my lowest when I dealt with him, and my friendships, schoolwork and activities suffered because of the relationship. I look at him now and I can not believe I allowed his ugglass (real ones know what that means) to take me there; he somehow found the insecurities I did have and used them against me, to make me feel as low as he felt. One evening he came over to my place and he went into my room to do some work related stuff and he left his cell phone out in the living room with me. My best friend was sitting on side of me as I ventured into his message threads, and I went straight to grandma’s name. I found exactly what I was looking for, and he was talking to her the same way he talked to me, and there was no way that “girl-friend” was a platonic one. I had to ponder on what I found for a while before deciding to address it because after all, I went through this man’s phone and he was gonna use that against me. When I finally addressed it he did just that, and our relationship completely changed, he didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust him. The moment that broke me down the most was when we got into a huge argument over something so small, and I followed him into the parking lot yelling as he attempted to leave; I got into his car and told him how I felt about him always comparing me to his friend and he yelled at me and told me every reason she was better than me, and more of a woman than I could ever be; I’m still not sure how I got out the car without hurting him or the car. I’m pretty sure this my third time writing about this man, and it’s because so many lessons came out of that relationship, which means I learned from them and will not be making those same mistakes again. If your significant other has a friend that doesn’t respect your relationship, it may be time to let them go and tell them to figure what it is that they want, don’t make the mistake I made and drag yourself through the drama.
I’ve also been the best friend before and when it’s truly platonic you should have no problem respecting the boundaries of your friends relationship and even possibly becoming cool with your friends significant other, it’s possible. If you are being respectful, and haven’t given the girlfriend/boyfriend any reason to think otherwise and they still think something is going on, then there’s something wrong with them and you gotta just fallback before you lose your friend altogether. People will do the most to find something wrong with their relationship if they have their own issues they haven’t dealt with, and when that sort of petty comes into your life just let your friend know you need peace and be the bigger person in the situation. The lesson for today is, be honest with yourself and your boo about the nature of your friendship and if it isn’t platonic don’t bring that drama into anybody’s life. For my people with healthy relationships that have been able to make this work, I commend you for your maturity, and ability to respect one another. That’s all I have for this topic today and I hope you enjoyed and/or learned something. I have another post going up today as well so please check it out! Thanks for reading!
P.S. The song “Girlfriend” by Alicia Keys was the inspiration for this post, her album Songs of a Minor is still dropping gems to this day; okay byeeeee!