Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, single people who just want to live free of commitment. This post is for my fellow beautiful black women; the naturalistas, girls with the perms, and my sistas that are slaying these wigs, weaves, and protective styles. We are beautiful, and no matter what style we decide to wear our hair in, we are still queens. There’s a special place in my heart for all naturalistas though, because all of us have had some serious journeys; from chopping our hair off to embracing our natural curl patterns, waiting for growth, and fighting with our combs and products, we have all found pride in wearing our hair as it grows naturally. There’s nothing like seeing a woman on the street rocking a twist out, braids, wash and go or some other bomb ass style, and yelling out, ” Yasssss Sis, you better be out here flourishing!” Our hair journeys unite us all, and for this reason I refuse to let any man or woman who doesn’t understand this to keep me from shining in it. There are still so many people who don’t understand that black hair is beautiful, and because of European beauty standards, a lot of people can’t wrap their minds around any hairstyle that isn’t straight, or loosely wavy or curly. When dating people who are black, you won’t run into this issue very often, unless your partner was used to seeing your hair one way and you switched it up on them suddenly (that’s a whole other story for another day), but for those of us who date outside of our race, it’s a struggle to find someone who we don’t have to explain our crowns to.
Just the other day I switched my hair to Bantu Knots, and a friend of mine told me they liked my hair when it wasn’t in the knots. He doesn’t have a lot of experience with black women, and he travels in a very different circle than I do, so I understood but I also refused to let it dim my light. I started thinking about the times in the past when I worried about how I wore my hair, because I didn’t want the person I was dating, or my non-black peers to look at me differently, or think I was less beautiful for embracing a natural hair style. The thing is, I’m not making decisions about my hair based on what some man likes or what society thinks is appropriate, it’s about what I like and what I feel beautiful in. There’s so many of us women making decisions about our hair, stressing about our looks, our choices about makeup, and our bodies because of a man or the ridiculous standards the world has placed on what makes one beautiful. As my girl India Arie once said, “I am not my hair,” that was facts then, and it still reigns true today. However, there is another truth about our hair that my good sis Solange spoke on; it’s the idea of our hair being the feelings that we wear, something that isn’t to be touched because it’s much too precious and powerful for just anyone to place their hands on. These are the things to keep in mind while engaging with those folks that just don’t seem to get it.
I now know that I couldn’t deal with someone I had to explain my crown to, and I would rather have someone in my space that recognized the beauty in it instead. Also, any man who is really feeling you is going to find you beautiful no matter how you wear your hair; so with that being said, don’t switch up because the man you’re with doesn’t approve because he may not be the one for you. This is also the mindset for friends and peers who are holding on to these false ideas of beauty, be patient with them but don’t allow their words or thoughts to tarnish crown of choice. For my natural beauties, take pride in those kinky crowns ladies…I love us for real! I hope everyone is using these last few days of 2018 to reflect because I sure am, I’ll drop one last post before the new year storms in. As always, thanks for reading!
P.S. The other day I was real tempted to go back to the creamy crack, but I washed my hair and saw those curls and came to my senses. Kinks over perm scabs any day! Byeeeee.