It’s Love…

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. First and foremost, I’m patting myself on the back for finally getting to my first post of 2019! I can’t speak for anyone else but this year started off like a whirlwind, and I’m finally finding my footing again (ouu did y’all peep that alliteration though). Today is Valentines Day, a day filled with “I love you’s,” flowers, candy, expensive dinners, possible great sex, and plenty of single people with no dates at all. Well single people, not having a date or significant other doesn’t mean you can’t participate on this holiday, and you certainly shouldn’t let it get you down. Personally, I’ve always loved Valentines Day, although I get annoyed at people who take it over the top (it’s one day ya’ll gots to chill). I’ve done the fun dates, experienced the lonely valentines day where I binged on rom-coms and ate my favorite pizza, and the V-day where I worked at night and had to kiss my valentine through the phone. No matter what situation I’m in on Valentine’s Day, I refuse to let the day go to waste.

A few years ago for V-day, I went out on a date with this guy I’d been talking to. I got really cute and I was so excited to see what he had planned. I got outside and into his truck and noticed how dressed down he was. He had on these really dated jeans, and a sweatshirt; I guess for him that was dressing up. I had on a dress and my favorite boots, and he just wasn’t matching my fly. We got to dinner and although the food was great, the conversation was non-existent. Have ya’ll ever tried having a conversation with someone and realized they just weren’t on your level intellectually? That’s what happened here, only he had no problem bragging about himself throughout dinner. We finally left the restaurant and headed on over to his place; the only thing on my mind was at least I can get an orgasm out of this. I definitely did, but I also had to deal with a messy room that smelled like an entire can of febreze masking a funky boys locker room. Needless to say, I wanted to be back on campus with my friends attending a program or watching the movie Love Jones (A classic, and if you haven’t seen it step your cookies up and watch that shit, period). Having a date for Valentine’s Day isn’t always wonderful, but it doesn’t have to be negative either. Make sure you’re spending today in a way that makes you happy; do not settle for a mediocre date like I did just to say you have plans, it’s not worth it.

There are so many positives to this holiday whether you’re in a relationship or not. First, there’s deals on deals on deals (because capitalism); the powers that be created this day just so we could spend our hard-earned money or someone else’s. Spending money on Valentines Day is wonderful because there are discounts on EVERYTHING! You can find a bargain on you’re favorite online clothing store, on flowers, cards and candy ( I sang this in my best Usher voice), restaurants with two for one dinners ( for my couples on a budget), and lots of other great adult activities being promoted on groupon. Who doesn’t love saving money? Secondly, if you’re in a relationship or dating it’s the perfect reason to get and give gifts. We all love getting cute gifts, and new shit; we may as well do it over dinner and thank bae during sex later right? Thirdly, and this is for my single fam (we out here), the possibilities of how to spend this day are endless for us (as long as you aren’t working the whole day, and if you are there’s still ways uhkay). As single folks, we can get together with our other single friends to go out and party, have a game night, avoid having to spend money on someone other than ourselves (unless it’s your mama), and set aside time for pampering. Some of us have kids to be our valentines, some choose to stay in and eat good food and watch their favorite love films, while others snuggle up with a book they’ve been wanting to read. If you’re working tonight, order yourself a good dinner for your break, and take advantage of any gifts your job gives to employees. If you’re one of those people longing for a relationship and really wishing you had a date for the night, hit up a speed dating event, or a party where you wear the color representing your relationship status. You could go home with a new or potential bae, and it beats sitting inside sobbing over a pint of ice cream. Self care, selflessly giving to others to lift their spirits, or just taking advantage of all the online promo codes today are all forms of Love. I know many people love to bash this holiday for so many reasons, but it’s more fun to just join in because complaining won’t stop it from coming each and every year, and you’ll be wishing you used that coupon you got several emails about. I hope everyone enjoys today, but most importantly I hope everyone spreads love and joy in all spaces you step foot in.

I’m still working on creating a consistent schedule that allows me to do everything I need and love to do, so I’m not 100% sure when I’ll post again. I appreciate everyone’s patience, and hopefully it won’t be too long of a wait. As always, thanks for reading.


P.S. I meant what I said about watching Love Jones. Also, pray for me; I said I was no longer eating cheese but I’m tempted to buy a heart-shaped pizza later today. Forever a ninja turtle. Byeeeee!

Short dress is not equivalent to a yes!


Disclaimer: This article is entirely based upon my personal opinion. It doesn’t intend to hurt anybody.

How many times our society blames a girl’s short dress or her being drunk as the main reason for rape?

No matter how scantly she is dressed, it doesn’t in any manner means a yes. No matter if she is sober or drunk, she cannot be blamed. Only the rapist is responsible for the rape.

We’re living in 21st century, yet there are so many instances where a girl’s short dress is blamed for her rape.

In India, saree is considered as a traditional wear, and most of us are encouraged to wear it after marriage. Well, ever paid attention to the 6-inches gap?

Prolly, it’s way more than my less than an inch gap between my crop top and bottoms.

Oh, and what about infant girls being raped? Would you still blame…

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What his games taught me

I felt this, it was super relatable!

Cara`s Melody

I am mad at myself
for dating you in the first place
for letting you kiss me and kissing you back
for seeing the actual you behind all your BS
despite all your BS and the few times I actually met you

I am mad at you
that you are changing your mind frequently
that you always come back to me and don’t let me go (and every time I hope)
that you’ve shown me how good you can be for me
only to treat me carelessly in the next minute

I am mad at us
for playing games in the virtual world
for hiding out behind these
for not being brave and honest enough
because we let this go to hell

And again
I am mad at me

for falling into old habits
because your actions screamed so loudly yet I chose to stay deaf ; because I did…

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2019… the year of the bag and fulfillment!

Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, single people who just want to live free of commitment, and anyone else who may stumble upon this blog and find it useful! 2018 was a great year, and for many of us it opened our eyes up to what changes we need to make, and all the wonderful things we can accomplish in the future.  There was a lot of death, and hardships but also, so many beautiful accomplishments and births. Every year has its ups and downs but in 2018, I know for myself especially I learned what not to do, and I began making plans for the new year. In 2019 there’s no excuses, and no reason to go back to anything that isn’t adding value to our lives; but most importantly it’s time to hold ourselves accountable and stick to our word. Every year we make resolutions and vision boards but the week after the near year we sometimes continue doing the things we no longer said we would, or never start the things we planned to. This year, get a planner, post your vision board up on your wall, and give yourself deadlines to accomplish certain goals.

When I started this blog, it was a way for me to address the experiences I had in various relationships, and share my lessons to either help or inform others. I manged to accomplish that, but it’s been rewarding because through this blog I found a great way to heal and find clarity. Every post has allowed me to revisit what I no longer want or need,  helped me to understand that I need to always put myself first, and my love for self is the most important love of all right now. I don’t want to share this light with anyone who isn’t worthy, and despite other hardships from 2018, I made a lot of great decisions for myself and put my happiness first. I began graduate school at one of the top graduate schools in the country,  I moved to the place I’ve wanted to live in since I was a teen, and I realized there was a lot of negativity coming from myself which was stunting my growth; my own thinking kept me from achieving what I set out to do, and once I changed my mindset I realized I had so many blessings there was no need in complaining about what I didn’t have yet.  There’s only one thing to do in 2019 and that’s to continue on this ride to success, and growth; I am truly excited for myself and everyone else that’s on the path of leveling up!

For 2019, I vow to leave behind toxic relationships, take the lessons from them and apply them to my life so that I don’t continue allowing the same people in; I will maintain my budget, continue to build my credit, and have multiple streams of income because it’s time for financial stability. I will pour positive energy into myself and the world, become more productive, and find new hobbies for my down time; but most importantly I will take my physical and mental health seriously, by feeding this temple with good foods, plenty of physical and brain exercise (getting my reading list together now), and giving myself the needed amount of self care every week. I’m writing this down because I plan to stick to my word, and I now have no excuse to stray from these plans. I hope everyone else does the same for this new year. Let’s bring in 2019 with our hearts and minds clear, ready to accept postive change, and get to this bag! I pray that everyone is safe tonight, and if you plan to attend church, I’ll be with you in spirit! Thanks everyone for reading and supporting my blog, I love you all and I can’t wait to see what we all achieve in this new year! Here’s to 2019!


P.S. Mind your business in 2019.

Words from the ghosted…

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, single people who just want to live free of commitment, and anyone else who may stumble upon this blog and find it useful! I’m in a dark hole a.k.a. graduate school and I haven’t had time to write, but I’ve missed it so much. This week, I knew it would be time for me to dust off the old keyboard soon, because something has been happening a lot recently and it needs to be addressed. Not only have I experienced this for myself, but I have seen several other women posting and discussing this as well. The thing that has everyone waiting to exhale is the wonderful act of ghosting. Yes, women are being ghosted during cuffing season and it’s just disrespectful. Ghosting is immature and it seems like the easy way out until it’s happening to you. There are many different types of ghosting; the “I’m going to fade away and never talk to them again,” the “I’m really busy so I can’t talk, even though I’m on my phone all day,” the “I’m going to look at all of your IG and Snapchat stories even though I haven’t talked to you in weeks,” the “I saw your text and didn’t respond but I’ll reply to your story,”and last but certainly not least the “I haven’t talked to you a two months but you posted a picture on Instagram looking good recently so I thought I’d hit you up.” That last one always makes me chuckle, these niggas ain’t shit.

For years people have treated dating like some sort of game. People have made films, songs, and literature based around the idea. It’s become normalized, and so people think playing games is how we are supposed to go about relationships. It’s all fun until you really start to like someone, or get used to a person only to feel like your time is being wasted. Most of us ask ourselves, why even bother? We went from waiting next to the phone, to waiting for a text back, or a response to a DM. There’s nothing worse than being ghosted , and  it’s even worse when the “ghost-er” is able to come and go as they please.

The best part of being ghosted is when the person pops back up like everything is fine, when you haven’t heard from them in weeks or months. For all my Insecure fans, we watched with our lips pursed as Issa experienced one of the worst forms of this on season 3. These men (and women) never have a good excuse. It’s always that they’ve been really busy, or they’ve been going through some things and just didn’t have the time to text, call or visit. I’m personally over it; I just need consistency and communication. Why is that such a hard thing for people to do? Planning to go MIA for a while, give me some warning. You think you may need some space, well then just  let me know as if Ronald and Aaliyah were singing it to you. It takes a couple minutes to form a decent text to let someone know what’s up. Then there are those who stroke their ego with this game. They hit you with the “I really miss you,” when they come around, even though they have been missing like Barb on Stranger Things for weeks. I swear they think someone is spending every waking moment thinking about their sorry asses; NO LIKE SHIT BOY.  We’re not losing sleep over your absence, and it’s not disrupting our peace. Are these people maybe longing to be wanted, and feel that this is the best way to fulfill that desire? I don’t know, but I definitely don’t want to be a part of it.

I had a guy give me the lamest excuse as to why he disappeared, and then after apologizing said he understood if I didn’t want to talk to him. He was beautiful though, I mean he was fine fine and I really liked him so I let him back in sooner than I should have, if I should have at all. It was all good for like a week, but then all of a sudden he was “busy” again, and we weren’t finishing conversations let alone seeing each other. In a situation like this it’s important to realize it’s time for a conversation once this happens; communitcate that you need for them to be more consistent. The thing is, people are always going to make time for what they want; that goes for anything in life. You say you don’t have time to clean your house but you went out with your friends for drinks and spent hours at the bar. It’s not that you don’t have the time, but that you aren’t making something or someone a priority. I actually just had a friend get on my case about this after I said I needed to find the time to read more. The point is, if a guy has time to make a status on Facebook or Twitter, regularly views your story and shares memes all day, then they can shoot you a good morning text or ask you how you’re doing  once a week. It’s such an easy task, but it’s not being done. Truth is, they just don’t want to talk to you, and there’s no reason to get upset or blame yourself, just shut off the revolving door that allows them access to you. It’s not fair to only talk to a person when you’re bored or lonely, or just on your own time as if they don’t have a life. If you really care about someone, then just give them notice when you aren’t going to be around; don’t just disappear on them as if y’all weren’t talking every damn day. Also, it’s not right to make them feel guilty once they address it, and no longer want you in their life. You can’t just come and go and then act surprised when your pass gets revoked, grow up! That’s my two cents on ghosting, and I hope it helps someone out there! Don’t waste your time waiting for someone to make time for you when there is someone in the world willing to make you a priority. Until you find that person, make yourself a priority and give these other fools the boot!

Well, I’m glad I finally had the chance to address this and this is all I have for the day. As always, thanks for reading!

P.S. I know there are people who haven’t watched Insecure yet; I’m gonna need for y’all to get on that. Thankssssssssss!

Me, Myself, and I ( a PSA).

Image result for beyonce me myself and i

Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. This is my second post for the day, and it’s gonna be shorter more of a public service announcement, so bear with me. Something that’s been on my mind lately is how often I’ve placed my worth into the hands of men. I had to take a moment and think about the times my breakups had me feeling low, the times I was ghosted, and the times I simply didn’t feel good enough for a man, as if they were too good for me. I realized that there was something deep going on, and it was my responsiblity to take the journey of figuring that out.

In the past, I’ve had the guys who broke things off and then later told me I was great, and all the things they loved about me, yet they ended things and gave everything I wanted from them to someone else. Naturally, my own issues took over and I instantly thought I was lacking somewhere; questioning my looks, personality, mind, and all that I have to offer. The issue is that, I shouldn’t have based my worth on what some guy thought of me, or didn’t think of me. I’m now in a space where if someone stops showing me attention, instead of asking myself what’s wrong with me, I say to myself well, that’s their loss. I’m recognize that I’m dope, and while these men may come and go, I still have myself, and that is honestly more fun than sharing my space with someone who isn’t deserving. So often, people feel that because they are single that equals loneliness, and that’s simply not true. Being alone does not mean that you’re lonely. Find some activities that you can do alone, and put all the energy you used to keep a man/woman, into your friendships and family. Enjoy not having to compromise, or share your bed; look at the positives of being by yourself. Also and most importantly, do the work on yourself to find out the root of your insecurity, and figure out why you feel empty when you’re alone. Everyone isn’t going to like you or find you attractive, and that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you, and if you love yourself enough, their opinion won’t matter. There will be times when you want some company, but don’t just let anyone come into your space because you feel lonely, instead think about why you’re willing to let just anyone come in, and take time to unpack that. Lately, I’ve seen too many of my friends allowing someone into their space just to say they have someone, and that’s just not where it’s at; trust me I know. If someone is not making you happy, or disrupts your vibe, let them go, your PEACE is more valuable than having some funky arms wrapped around you. It’s definitely not easy, but it can be done; leave the dating and relationships alone until you can complete yourself, and feel whole; only then will your views on dating change for the better. That’s all I have for today, I hope you enjoyed both posts. Thanks for reading!

P.S. You see the queen, you know why she’s there.

I Think I’m Jealous of Your Girlfriend.

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. Today I wanna shed light on the girl best friend. Most women and men have at some point in their life had a best friend of the opposite sex, and once one of you gets into a relationship it can cause issues ( for both the friendship and the relationship). Some people are mature enough to understand that these platonic friendships can exist and not be a threat to the relationship, and then there are times when that simply isn’t the case.  If the girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t secure in themselves, they could have an issue with the friendship and drive a wedge; then there are the times when the friendship really isn’t platonic and clearly something more is going on. When your best friend is of the opposite sex, they should try to become friends with your significant other, and/or there should be a level of respect and boundaries for both of them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want you to meet their “bestfriend” then it’s possible that more is happening there; and if they at any point had more than a friendship or a sexual relationship, then boundaries need to be put into place. I’m a strong believer in trust, and being secure in your relationship but when bae is making you question that, it’s time to have a conversation about it, and maybe one with the best friend as well.

My ex had a best “girlfriend” that he was very close to, he would talk about her all the time and he admired her; I was secure enough in myself to not have an issue with his friendship with her in the beginning. The woman was older than him, and seemed to really have her life in order, they also worked together. Everything was fine with the three of us until he mentioned to me he lived with her at some point (skkkrrrrttt); I didn’t jump to any conclusions or think the worst but I was curious to know more so I began to ask some questions. I asked him if they were more than friends and he said they had a sexual relationship at one point, then I asked if this was the reason he moved out of her basement and he said that was part of the reason; at this point I’m feeling a little uneasy about the nature of their friendship but I also knew he spent most of his time with me and if he wasn’t with me he was at work or with his daughter, so I didn’t let it phase me too much.

Eventually, the dynamic our relationship began to change, and he was spending less time with me, and seemed to be missing our dates or showing up late all the time; he was also spending time with his “girl-friend” and doing a lot of things for her, going to her house late nights to help put something together and going to her family events with her grandkids ( can’t even have your men around a grandma these days); and so suspicion crept in. I’m not the go through your phone type, and honestly I can’t believe I stooped that low but that man had me coming all out of myself; I was at my lowest when I dealt with him, and my friendships, schoolwork and activities suffered because of the relationship. I look at him now and I can not believe I allowed his ugglass (real ones know what that means) to take me there; he somehow found the insecurities I did have and used them against me, to make me feel as low as he felt. One evening he came over to my place and he went into my room to do some work related stuff and he left his cell phone out in the living room with me. My best friend was sitting on side of me as I ventured into his message threads, and I went straight to grandma’s name. I found exactly what I was looking for, and he was talking to her the same way he talked to me, and there was no way that “girl-friend” was a platonic one. I had to ponder on what I found for a while before deciding to address it because after all, I went through this man’s phone and he was gonna use that against me. When I finally addressed it he did just that, and our relationship completely changed, he didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust him. The moment that broke me down the most was when we got into a huge argument over something so small, and I followed him into the parking lot yelling as he attempted to leave; I got into his car and told him how I felt about him always comparing me to his friend and he yelled at me and told me every reason she was better than me, and more of a woman than I could ever be; I’m still not sure how I got out the car without hurting him or the car. I’m pretty sure this my third time writing about this man, and it’s because so many lessons came out of that relationship, which means I learned from them and will not be making those same mistakes again. If your significant other has a friend that doesn’t respect your relationship, it may be time to let them go and tell them to figure what it is that they want, don’t make the mistake I made and drag yourself through the drama.

I’ve also been the best friend before and when it’s truly platonic you should have no problem respecting the boundaries of your friends relationship and even possibly becoming cool with your friends significant other, it’s possible. If you are being respectful, and haven’t given the girlfriend/boyfriend any reason to think otherwise and they still think something is going on, then there’s something wrong with them and you gotta just fallback before you lose your friend altogether. People will do the most to find something wrong with their relationship if they have their own issues they haven’t dealt with, and when that sort of petty comes into your life just let your friend know you need peace and be the bigger person in the situation. The lesson for today is, be honest with yourself and your boo about the nature of your friendship and if it isn’t platonic don’t bring that drama into anybody’s life. For my people with healthy relationships that have been able to make this work, I commend you for your maturity, and ability to respect one another. That’s all I have for this topic today and I hope you enjoyed and/or learned something. I have another post going up today as well so please check it out! Thanks for reading!

P.S. The song “Girlfriend” by Alicia Keys was the inspiration for this post, her album Songs of a Minor is still dropping gems to this day; okay byeeeee!

You Probably Think This Post is About You….


Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’ve had writers block for a couple of days so shout out to my bestie Kotic Couture for helping me find my direction! Today I wanna discuss self-absorbed men, who constantly make everything about them , and don’t bother getting to know the women they’re dating. Most of the time these men aren’t even all that, and are obsessed with themselves or their “things” to makeup for what they’re lacking; which could be purpose, true confidence, or even the size of their pork sword (penis). All of that leads me to my second topic, men not practicing good hygiene but thinking they deserve the best of women. Self absorbed guys will date you, claim to feel a connection but know absolutely nothing about you, you could literally ghost them and they’d reach out just to talk about themselves. The thing is, there are women who deal with men like this because from the outside they’re a good look; but it’s totally miserable when you’re listening to him tell the same story for the hundredth time, and you don’t care.

I dated a guy who seemed to have it all together; he had a degree, he was handsome and made a suit look good, had a decent job and he was slightly woke. Those are the criteria for most women’s ideal man, so despite me thinking he was sort of corny, I decided to give it a chance. On our first date he picked me up in this loud sports car, and little did I know, I’d be hearing about this car everytime I saw him. He would constantly talk about the car, what was being done to it, and asking me what I thought about it. I know nothing about cars so at first I would stroke his ego a bit and say things like, “yeah I really like how low these seats are” and “I can totally tell the difference between the new lights and the old ones.” I felt so foolish, and eventually my responses were more like, “mhmm, wow that’s crazy”. Then I finally decided to stop responding all together, and I just pretended to listen, and nodded my head.  Every time I saw him/texted him, it was the same thing; his car, his job, stories about him, and absolutely nothing about me.  On top of all of that, he was very dull, had a terrible sense of humor, and the conversations outside of him always seemed forced. The worst part about him was that he had terrible dental hygiene; I didn’t notice it at first but once I did I could no longer look at him the same. Throughout the duration of us dating, he not once asked me about my day,  goals, plans, or life. Yet, he for some reason thought we had this amazing connection, and claimed to like me so much. He constantly told me how amazing I was, yet he knew nothing about me. I remember speaking to him a while back and telling him my plans for moving away for grad school. When the time came , about a week before my move, he hit me up out of the blue, and actually asked what I was up to. I told him I was moving and he seemed so shocked and hurt, as if I had never mentioned it before. It didn’t fit into his life so it didn’t matter; he didn’t even want to continue the conversation. He still found a way to make my great news, about him. Ladies, if you and a guy aren’t clicking and he’s all about himself, do yourself a favor and RUN; don’t stick around just to have someone to cuddle and go on dates with.

Hygiene and self-absorbed men seem to go hand in hand. I’ve seen it too many times, and after a while I started to wonder if anyone’s parents taught basic hygiene skills to these men as boys. These guys are always so conceited, and it’s almost as if they look for a woman to complete their “perfect picture,” even when they aren’t perfect or complete alone. I knew a guy who never washed his sheets, and the second time I came over I noticed I was seeing the same sheets from two weeks ago. I asked him about the sheets and in a defensive tone he said, “They’re Clean!” He proceeded to spray Febreze on the sheets, as if that was going to magically rid them of the smell, and days worth of germs, and dead skin. I was disgusted, and shocked! Here was a man who seemed to have it together, yet he couldn’t even wash and change his sheets regularly. He used to walk around like he was god’s gift to earth, and was always talking about how great he was at what he did, yet always found time to put down others like they weren’t on his level. Grown ass men should know how to;  regularly do their laundry, wash and condition their hair, exfoiliate, cleanse and moisturize their bodies, brush and floss (and use mouthwash), use deodorant, and overall stay well-groomed. Men ask so much of women, and we do so much for them, yet there is no reciprocity! Ladies, just because someone seems like your ideal man does not mean they are; ask questions about their hygiene early, and pay attention to all the details. It is not our job to teach them how to take care of themselves, and we don’t have to put up with narcissistic assholes that add no value to our lives; the men who truly complement us will come when they’re supposed to, don’t force a relationship with the wrong one. Maybe dating someone with ambition, who is building something for themselves, while also supporting your goals is the way to go. That’s all I have for today, I’ll be back soon!

P.S. This is bout the only time you’ll see a post without a woman’s picture attached, but the reason you see the incredibly fine Morris Chestnut is because his character James in the movie Think Like A Man, is the kind of self-absorbed man I’m talking about. Taraji P. Henson’s character Lauren almost lost a good man chasing after what she thought she wanted. Again, those ideal men are not always what they’re cracked up to be. See ya!

Booty Calls or D**K Appointments? Think I got it covered for the weekend…

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’ve recently had a discussion with friends about the difference between booty calls and dick appointments. There was a time when booty calls dominated our world, but we changed the game when we decided to coin the term “dick appointments.” There is a certain sense of community that millennial women feel when we use that term; everyone knows what it is, and as soon as someone mentions it, we give our props and cheer on our sisters for getting broke off! It doesn’t matter if it’s your friends, roommates, cousins, or neighbors; we love seeing one another own our sexuality! This isn’t a new thing but it just has a name now. There have always been sexually liberated women calling the shots and taking pride in their sexcapades. Booty calls though, are much different in my opinion; they always had negative connotations associated with them. Women have been called booty calls for years as if they were nothing more than a notch in a belt, and men have been hitting women up after midnight trying to get some ass for centuries. Booty calls give you minimal prep time, and although they can be great in that moment, they can leave you wanting to cuddle with it being so late at night but all your booty call wants is to jet. We have all heard of women in the past making excuses for being a booty call, and usually when that takes place it’s because they want more from the relationship. Men go through this too, because when the tables are turned it sometimes throws them off, and suddenly they are in their feelings. If you’ve ever watched the movie Boomerang with Eddie Murphy that is the perfect example of this (if you haven’t, it’s a classic watch that shit). Today, women have reclaimed their sexuality with dick appointments; we decide when we will get it, where and how, and we may or may not want more than just the sex. The difference to me is that, you can schedule an appointment at any time of the day or night, and go on about your business; by doing that you avoid that need to cuddle and bond cause you got shit to do. Women are no longer ONLY waiting for a phone call or “you up” text ( cause we definitely still take those); we send that come through text, or mutually plan with our sexual partners a time that works for our schedules!

There are certain elements of dick appointments that are common, and after chatting it up with many of my friends I realized that most of us see these appointments as a time of release in more ways than one. Depending on how cool you are with your DA, you probably take part in some of the best conversations, probably have some of your greatest laughs, and as always your best orgasms! A good DA will have you returning to work or class ( for my college girls) with a whole different attitude, have you walking around like Jill Scott on the Golden video, cheesing harder than a kindergarten student on picture day. Booty Call’s are not the same; with a booty call  someone is hitting you up at random giving you little time to be prepared ; but with a DA we know whats coming. There is no room for all of that going back and forth in your mind about whether or not you’re a booty call, and no emptiness after your partner is gone; you know what it is and why that person is there, and you enjoy it.

With both a DA and a booty call, there is proper etiquette that takes place. A conversation is had in the beginning; both parties should know what their relationship is; now you could have a DA with your man, bed associate, friend with benefits, or just someone you’re dating. Knowing what the relationship is helps a lot, in doing so we possibly avoid that empty feeling I mentioned booty calls can leave us with, although sometimes even knowing with a booty call doesn’t stop that feeling. Next, with a DA you never cancel on someone at the last-minute, if you’re going to cancel an appointment do it hours in advance because women and men go through so much to prepare for these. We spend hours shaving, exfoliating and moisturizing our entire bodies, so don’t cancel and have your partner looking salty. Also, don’t act brand new when your DA or booty call shows up and decide that you no longer want the D; you’re wasting precious time that someone else could have had! Some people have multiple DAs (hoe’s in different area codes) and when you cancel or switch up, the other “go to” on the line could have been in and out already; that goes for both men and women! In addition, if you’re going to a DA and plan on staying over, GET YOURSELF A HOE-BAG OR A HOE KIT! A hoe bag is an essential part of a DA; they should contain a toothbrush, a fresh pair of underwear, a wash cloth and soap, and lotion and deodorant so that you don’t leave looking and smelling funky in the morning. Fellas, you should have a hoe bag too; I repeat fellas, you should ALSO have a hoe bag!! There is nothing more unattractive than  a man waking up in the morning and not having something to brush his teeth with; please do better! Finally, I know I already mentioned what some of us go through to prepare for a DA, but with both types of encounters it is crucial to be as clean as possible; that means taking a shower, a hoe bath, or a real bath! You should not be funky, and carrying endless bacteria with you to your booty call or DA;  brush those teeth too, because oral sex with a dirty mouth can lead to some issues! I bet by now you’re all wondering what this has to do with my point, well DAs give you room to be prepared, and in control, while booty calls are more random and can be really messy both emotionally and physically. That doesn’t mean it’s the case for all booty calls and honestly everyone doesn’t agree on what a booty call is, but they are much different from the cherished DAs!

I remember the first time I heard the term “Dick Appointment,” it was after I got to college and my best friend used it a lot, and I loved the way it sounded. In college and in life, you may see ya homegirl down the hall about to get zicked zown, or you may even have a neighbor getting her back blown out next door, whatever the case, when someone is about to get some you don’t hate on them or talk shit, you say “Yasssssssss go off sis,” because there’s something beautiful about that sort of pussy power. Ladies, if you’ve had a long week or need stress relief, schedule yourself a dick appointment, and if you have a booty call that isn’t more than just a booty call, and you know you like to cuddle and get in your feelings, it may be time to leave those alone and come over to winning team! Well, that’s all I have for today, I’ll be back soon I hope! Please comment on the post at the bottom of the page telling me which one of these you prefer, and discuss it among your friends, the debates are very interesting!! Thanks for reading!

P.S. Ya’ll see SZA, you know why she’s there.


Ayyyy man, be clear…

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. It’s been a minute but I’m back now, and listening to soulful tracks as I write. I’ve been in the process of preparing for a move, and so writing was not my top priority, but enough of all that; today I want to discuss the murky lines of defining the relationship. I know we have all been in a position where we just don’t know what the fuck we’re doing; is it dating? are we just cooling? are we together? is it just sex?, but I don’t want to just explore that though. It’s stressful enough when you don’t know what it is, but how about when you define the relationship early on, and then one of you don’t stay true to that? Not sure if ya’ll get it so I’ll break it down. You meet someone and they say they just want to date, no strings attached and all is well, but then they catch feelings and want more or start getting possessive, and you’re saying to yourself, “ummmmm I thought we were just chilling you never said you wanted an actual relationship.” Yes, that simple lack of communication in being real and saying how you feel will fuck up the entire thing; then it ends, and one or both parties don’t really understand why.

One of my best friends who may or may not kill me when she reads this, was fresh out of a long-term relationship, and she decided to just “do her”; we all know what that means, she was in a hoe phase of some sort to get over her ex. The crazy thing about hoe phases is that they work if your head is in the right space, but doing it before you heal yourself is messy, and leads to destruction chile. She seemed to have it all under control but then she met a guy that she saw boyfriend potential in. They were suppose to be casually dating, and having sex, but no serious attachment. She didn’t exactly communicate it to him that she was catching feelings; and although she told him in the beginning she didn’t want a relationship, she was mad about him talking to other girls, and mad when he ghosted. Ladies and gents, when you tell someone YOU don’t want something , and YOUR feelings change, communicate that IMMEDIATELY; don’t wait until your heart is full and now you looking crazy and hurt when it could’ve been handled sooner. I myself have been there and learned from it, and I’ve also been on the other side of it, and it’s just as confusing over there.

I dated a guy who knew I didn’t want a serious relationship, but because he knew that decided to fallback when he caught feelings instead of letting me know. I had no clue why he switched up, so eventually I thought he was on games and ended it. It wasn’t until we much later had a conversation, that he told me what was happening; had he said it sooner, who knows where that could have gone. I was also in a situation where I met a guy and we started out as friends then decided to be “bed associates” (my new way of saying fuck buddies). When we first tried to hook up I was excited, but then he kissed me and it was trash! I’m someone who appreciates a good kisser, and so this was a turn off to me. At that point in my life I wasn’t about to teach a dude how to kiss, we were too damn old for that! I decided to not have sex and take a nap instead, but I’m a cuddle bug so he was confused. Eventually, I was gonna tell him I just wanted to be friends but he thought I wanted a relationship and ghosted hard. He would see me on campus and act like I didn’t exist ya’ll. I didn’t care but it was weird that instead of talking to me to see how I felt, he just ASSUMED I wanted him to be my man, boy bye!

I know I always bring up the importance of communication but my word is bond, it is crucial to communicate your feelings in the beginning, and when they change. Talking saves relationships and friendships, and it also ends them on better terms. I know most of us were raised around this annoying ass culture of two can play that game, and it may seem like it’s fun, until you’re hurt, end up hurting someone else, or looking a hot ass mess. It’s not healthy to go about things in that way, and hella immature. One of my guy friends who is also my Unicorn (if you haven’t read my Unicorn post, do that!), was the main dude who helped me realize how immature I was with communication, and after I saw that in others I realized what he met. I know when he hears me talk about this shit now he’s thinking, “her ass never listened when I said it”! I will forever be grateful that I had someone patient enough to keep it real with me about how toxic I was, because it forced me to grow, but we don’t all have that luxury so do me a favor ya’ll; when you feel like shutting down, or tripping out talk to yourself first and ask yourself why you’re doing it, and is it justified? Next, have an honest conversation with your partner (no matter what the relationship) , and communicate those feelings, then listen to what they have to say; I mean really listen, don’t just listen to reply but listen to understand, and finally, go from there and define your relationship. Be clear. That’s all I have for today! I’ll be moving next week so most likely there will be another post on colored people time. As always, thanks for reading, and please share!

P.S. This week I have a photo of Mary Jane Paul, one of my favorite TV character aunties played by my fave Gabrielle Union. Anyone who watched Being Mary Jane knew what that character went though with balancing relationships, family, and her career; she was one of the most relatable black women characters for this generation of TV. I will miss the hell out of that show ( it was cancelled); BET where is the movie?! Anyway, if you haven’t watched, check it out on Netflix! Byeeeee!