It’s Love…

Image result for love jones

Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. First and foremost, I’m patting myself on the back for finally getting to my first post of 2019! I can’t speak for anyone else but this year started off like a whirlwind, and I’m finally finding my footing again (ouu did y’all peep that alliteration though). Today is Valentines Day, a day filled with “I love you’s,” flowers, candy, expensive dinners, possible great sex, and plenty of single people with no dates at all. Well single people, not having a date or significant other doesn’t mean you can’t participate on this holiday, and you certainly shouldn’t let it get you down. Personally, I’ve always loved Valentines Day, although I get annoyed at people who take it over the top (it’s one day ya’ll gots to chill). I’ve done the fun dates, experienced the lonely valentines day where I binged on rom-coms and ate my favorite pizza, and the V-day where I worked at night and had to kiss my valentine through the phone. No matter what situation I’m in on Valentine’s Day, I refuse to let the day go to waste.

A few years ago for V-day, I went out on a date with this guy I’d been talking to. I got really cute and I was so excited to see what he had planned. I got outside and into his truck and noticed how dressed down he was. He had on these really dated jeans, and a sweatshirt; I guess for him that was dressing up. I had on a dress and my favorite boots, and he just wasn’t matching my fly. We got to dinner and although the food was great, the conversation was non-existent. Have ya’ll ever tried having a conversation with someone and realized they just weren’t on your level intellectually? That’s what happened here, only he had no problem bragging about himself throughout dinner. We finally left the restaurant and headed on over to his place; the only thing on my mind was at least I can get an orgasm out of this. I definitely did, but I also had to deal with a messy room that smelled like an entire can of febreze masking a funky boys locker room. Needless to say, I wanted to be back on campus with my friends attending a program or watching the movie Love Jones (A classic, and if you haven’t seen it step your cookies up and watch that shit, period). Having a date for Valentine’s Day isn’t always wonderful, but it doesn’t have to be negative either. Make sure you’re spending today in a way that makes you happy; do not settle for a mediocre date like I did just to say you have plans, it’s not worth it.

There are so many positives to this holiday whether you’re in a relationship or not. First, there’s deals on deals on deals (because capitalism); the powers that be created this day just so we could spend our hard-earned money or someone else’s. Spending money on Valentines Day is wonderful because there are discounts on EVERYTHING! You can find a bargain on you’re favorite online clothing store, on flowers, cards and candy ( I sang this in my best Usher voice), restaurants with two for one dinners ( for my couples on a budget), and lots of other great adult activities being promoted on groupon. Who doesn’t love saving money? Secondly, if you’re in a relationship or dating it’s the perfect reason to get and give gifts. We all love getting cute gifts, and new shit; we may as well do it over dinner and thank bae during sex later right? Thirdly, and this is for my single fam (we out here), the possibilities of how to spend this day are endless for us (as long as you aren’t working the whole day, and if you are there’s still ways uhkay). As single folks, we can get together with our other single friends to go out and party, have a game night, avoid having to spend money on someone other than ourselves (unless it’s your mama), and set aside time for pampering. Some of us have kids to be our valentines, some choose to stay in and eat good food and watch their favorite love films, while others snuggle up with a book they’ve been wanting to read. If you’re working tonight, order yourself a good dinner for your break, and take advantage of any gifts your job gives to employees. If you’re one of those people longing for a relationship and really wishing you had a date for the night, hit up a speed dating event, or a party where you wear the color representing your relationship status. You could go home with a new or potential bae, and it beats sitting inside sobbing over a pint of ice cream. Self care, selflessly giving to others to lift their spirits, or just taking advantage of all the online promo codes today are all forms of Love. I know many people love to bash this holiday for so many reasons, but it’s more fun to just join in because complaining won’t stop it from coming each and every year, and you’ll be wishing you used that coupon you got several emails about. I hope everyone enjoys today, but most importantly I hope everyone spreads love and joy in all spaces you step foot in.

I’m still working on creating a consistent schedule that allows me to do everything I need and love to do, so I’m not 100% sure when I’ll post again. I appreciate everyone’s patience, and hopefully it won’t be too long of a wait. As always, thanks for reading.

 

P.S. I meant what I said about watching Love Jones. Also, pray for me; I said I was no longer eating cheese but I’m tempted to buy a heart-shaped pizza later today. Forever a ninja turtle. Byeeeee!

Words from the ghosted…

Image result for issa being ghosted

Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, single people who just want to live free of commitment, and anyone else who may stumble upon this blog and find it useful! I’m in a dark hole a.k.a. graduate school and I haven’t had time to write, but I’ve missed it so much. This week, I knew it would be time for me to dust off the old keyboard soon, because something has been happening a lot recently and it needs to be addressed. Not only have I experienced this for myself, but I have seen several other women posting and discussing this as well. The thing that has everyone waiting to exhale is the wonderful act of ghosting. Yes, women are being ghosted during cuffing season and it’s just disrespectful. Ghosting is immature and it seems like the easy way out until it’s happening to you. There are many different types of ghosting; the “I’m going to fade away and never talk to them again,” the “I’m really busy so I can’t talk, even though I’m on my phone all day,” the “I’m going to look at all of your IG and Snapchat stories even though I haven’t talked to you in weeks,” the “I saw your text and didn’t respond but I’ll reply to your story,”and last but certainly not least the “I haven’t talked to you a two months but you posted a picture on Instagram looking good recently so I thought I’d hit you up.” That last one always makes me chuckle, these niggas ain’t shit.

For years people have treated dating like some sort of game. People have made films, songs, and literature based around the idea. It’s become normalized, and so people think playing games is how we are supposed to go about relationships. It’s all fun until you really start to like someone, or get used to a person only to feel like your time is being wasted. Most of us ask ourselves, why even bother? We went from waiting next to the phone, to waiting for a text back, or a response to a DM. There’s nothing worse than being ghosted , and  it’s even worse when the “ghost-er” is able to come and go as they please.

The best part of being ghosted is when the person pops back up like everything is fine, when you haven’t heard from them in weeks or months. For all my Insecure fans, we watched with our lips pursed as Issa experienced one of the worst forms of this on season 3. These men (and women) never have a good excuse. It’s always that they’ve been really busy, or they’ve been going through some things and just didn’t have the time to text, call or visit. I’m personally over it; I just need consistency and communication. Why is that such a hard thing for people to do? Planning to go MIA for a while, give me some warning. You think you may need some space, well then just  let me know as if Ronald and Aaliyah were singing it to you. It takes a couple minutes to form a decent text to let someone know what’s up. Then there are those who stroke their ego with this game. They hit you with the “I really miss you,” when they come around, even though they have been missing like Barb on Stranger Things for weeks. I swear they think someone is spending every waking moment thinking about their sorry asses; NO LIKE SHIT BOY.  We’re not losing sleep over your absence, and it’s not disrupting our peace. Are these people maybe longing to be wanted, and feel that this is the best way to fulfill that desire? I don’t know, but I definitely don’t want to be a part of it.

I had a guy give me the lamest excuse as to why he disappeared, and then after apologizing said he understood if I didn’t want to talk to him. He was beautiful though, I mean he was fine fine and I really liked him so I let him back in sooner than I should have, if I should have at all. It was all good for like a week, but then all of a sudden he was “busy” again, and we weren’t finishing conversations let alone seeing each other. In a situation like this it’s important to realize it’s time for a conversation once this happens; communitcate that you need for them to be more consistent. The thing is, people are always going to make time for what they want; that goes for anything in life. You say you don’t have time to clean your house but you went out with your friends for drinks and spent hours at the bar. It’s not that you don’t have the time, but that you aren’t making something or someone a priority. I actually just had a friend get on my case about this after I said I needed to find the time to read more. The point is, if a guy has time to make a status on Facebook or Twitter, regularly views your story and shares memes all day, then they can shoot you a good morning text or ask you how you’re doing  once a week. It’s such an easy task, but it’s not being done. Truth is, they just don’t want to talk to you, and there’s no reason to get upset or blame yourself, just shut off the revolving door that allows them access to you. It’s not fair to only talk to a person when you’re bored or lonely, or just on your own time as if they don’t have a life. If you really care about someone, then just give them notice when you aren’t going to be around; don’t just disappear on them as if y’all weren’t talking every damn day. Also, it’s not right to make them feel guilty once they address it, and no longer want you in their life. You can’t just come and go and then act surprised when your pass gets revoked, grow up! That’s my two cents on ghosting, and I hope it helps someone out there! Don’t waste your time waiting for someone to make time for you when there is someone in the world willing to make you a priority. Until you find that person, make yourself a priority and give these other fools the boot!

Well, I’m glad I finally had the chance to address this and this is all I have for the day. As always, thanks for reading!

P.S. I know there are people who haven’t watched Insecure yet; I’m gonna need for y’all to get on that. Thankssssssssss!