Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’ve had writers block for a couple of days so shout out to my bestie Kotic Couture for helping me find my direction! Today I wanna discuss self-absorbed men, who constantly make everything about them , and don’t bother getting to know the women they’re dating. Most of the time these men aren’t even all that, and are obsessed with themselves or their “things” to makeup for what they’re lacking; which could be purpose, true confidence, or even the size of their pork sword (penis). All of that leads me to my second topic, men not practicing good hygiene but thinking they deserve the best of women. Self absorbed guys will date you, claim to feel a connection but know absolutely nothing about you, you could literally ghost them and they’d reach out just to talk about themselves. The thing is, there are women who deal with men like this because from the outside they’re a good look; but it’s totally miserable when you’re listening to him tell the same story for the hundredth time, and you don’t care.
I dated a guy who seemed to have it all together; he had a degree, he was handsome and made a suit look good, had a decent job and he was slightly woke. Those are the criteria for most women’s ideal man, so despite me thinking he was sort of corny, I decided to give it a chance. On our first date he picked me up in this loud sports car, and little did I know, I’d be hearing about this car everytime I saw him. He would constantly talk about the car, what was being done to it, and asking me what I thought about it. I know nothing about cars so at first I would stroke his ego a bit and say things like, “yeah I really like how low these seats are” and “I can totally tell the difference between the new lights and the old ones.” I felt so foolish, and eventually my responses were more like, “mhmm, wow that’s crazy”. Then I finally decided to stop responding all together, and I just pretended to listen, and nodded my head. Every time I saw him/texted him, it was the same thing; his car, his job, stories about him, and absolutely nothing about me. On top of all of that, he was very dull, had a terrible sense of humor, and the conversations outside of him always seemed forced. The worst part about him was that he had terrible dental hygiene; I didn’t notice it at first but once I did I could no longer look at him the same. Throughout the duration of us dating, he not once asked me about my day, goals, plans, or life. Yet, he for some reason thought we had this amazing connection, and claimed to like me so much. He constantly told me how amazing I was, yet he knew nothing about me. I remember speaking to him a while back and telling him my plans for moving away for grad school. When the time came , about a week before my move, he hit me up out of the blue, and actually asked what I was up to. I told him I was moving and he seemed so shocked and hurt, as if I had never mentioned it before. It didn’t fit into his life so it didn’t matter; he didn’t even want to continue the conversation. He still found a way to make my great news, about him. Ladies, if you and a guy aren’t clicking and he’s all about himself, do yourself a favor and RUN; don’t stick around just to have someone to cuddle and go on dates with.
Hygiene and self-absorbed men seem to go hand in hand. I’ve seen it too many times, and after a while I started to wonder if anyone’s parents taught basic hygiene skills to these men as boys. These guys are always so conceited, and it’s almost as if they look for a woman to complete their “perfect picture,” even when they aren’t perfect or complete alone. I knew a guy who never washed his sheets, and the second time I came over I noticed I was seeing the same sheets from two weeks ago. I asked him about the sheets and in a defensive tone he said, “They’re Clean!” He proceeded to spray Febreze on the sheets, as if that was going to magically rid them of the smell, and days worth of germs, and dead skin. I was disgusted, and shocked! Here was a man who seemed to have it together, yet he couldn’t even wash and change his sheets regularly. He used to walk around like he was god’s gift to earth, and was always talking about how great he was at what he did, yet always found time to put down others like they weren’t on his level. Grown ass men should know how to; regularly do their laundry, wash and condition their hair, exfoiliate, cleanse and moisturize their bodies, brush and floss (and use mouthwash), use deodorant, and overall stay well-groomed. Men ask so much of women, and we do so much for them, yet there is no reciprocity! Ladies, just because someone seems like your ideal man does not mean they are; ask questions about their hygiene early, and pay attention to all the details. It is not our job to teach them how to take care of themselves, and we don’t have to put up with narcissistic assholes that add no value to our lives; the men who truly complement us will come when they’re supposed to, don’t force a relationship with the wrong one. Maybe dating someone with ambition, who is building something for themselves, while also supporting your goals is the way to go. That’s all I have for today, I’ll be back soon!
P.S. This is bout the only time you’ll see a post without a woman’s picture attached, but the reason you see the incredibly fine Morris Chestnut is because his character James in the movie Think Like A Man, is the kind of self-absorbed man I’m talking about. Taraji P. Henson’s character Lauren almost lost a good man chasing after what she thought she wanted. Again, those ideal men are not always what they’re cracked up to be. See ya!