Booty Calls or D**K Appointments? Think I got it covered for the weekend…

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’ve recently had a discussion with friends about the difference between booty calls and dick appointments. There was a time when booty calls dominated our world, but we changed the game when we decided to coin the term “dick appointments.” There is a certain sense of community that millennial women feel when we use that term; everyone knows what it is, and as soon as someone mentions it, we give our props and cheer on our sisters for getting broke off! It doesn’t matter if it’s your friends, roommates, cousins, or neighbors; we love seeing one another own our sexuality! This isn’t a new thing but it just has a name now. There have always been sexually liberated women calling the shots and taking pride in their sexcapades. Booty calls though, are much different in my opinion; they always had negative connotations associated with them. Women have been called booty calls for years as if they were nothing more than a notch in a belt, and men have been hitting women up after midnight trying to get some ass for centuries. Booty calls give you minimal prep time, and although they can be great in that moment, they can leave you wanting to cuddle with it being so late at night but all your booty call wants is to jet. We have all heard of women in the past making excuses for being a booty call, and usually when that takes place it’s because they want more from the relationship. Men go through this too, because when the tables are turned it sometimes throws them off, and suddenly they are in their feelings. If you’ve ever watched the movie Boomerang with Eddie Murphy that is the perfect example of this (if you haven’t, it’s a classic watch that shit). Today, women have reclaimed their sexuality with dick appointments; we decide when we will get it, where and how, and we may or may not want more than just the sex. The difference to me is that, you can schedule an appointment at any time of the day or night, and go on about your business; by doing that you avoid that need to cuddle and bond cause you got shit to do. Women are no longer ONLY waiting for a phone call or “you up” text ( cause we definitely still take those); we send that come through text, or mutually plan with our sexual partners a time that works for our schedules!

There are certain elements of dick appointments that are common, and after chatting it up with many of my friends I realized that most of us see these appointments as a time of release in more ways than one. Depending on how cool you are with your DA, you probably take part in some of the best conversations, probably have some of your greatest laughs, and as always your best orgasms! A good DA will have you returning to work or class ( for my college girls) with a whole different attitude, have you walking around like Jill Scott on the Golden video, cheesing harder than a kindergarten student on picture day. Booty Call’s are not the same; with a booty call  someone is hitting you up at random giving you little time to be prepared ; but with a DA we know whats coming. There is no room for all of that going back and forth in your mind about whether or not you’re a booty call, and no emptiness after your partner is gone; you know what it is and why that person is there, and you enjoy it.

With both a DA and a booty call, there is proper etiquette that takes place. A conversation is had in the beginning; both parties should know what their relationship is; now you could have a DA with your man, bed associate, friend with benefits, or just someone you’re dating. Knowing what the relationship is helps a lot, in doing so we possibly avoid that empty feeling I mentioned booty calls can leave us with, although sometimes even knowing with a booty call doesn’t stop that feeling. Next, with a DA you never cancel on someone at the last-minute, if you’re going to cancel an appointment do it hours in advance because women and men go through so much to prepare for these. We spend hours shaving, exfoliating and moisturizing our entire bodies, so don’t cancel and have your partner looking salty. Also, don’t act brand new when your DA or booty call shows up and decide that you no longer want the D; you’re wasting precious time that someone else could have had! Some people have multiple DAs (hoe’s in different area codes) and when you cancel or switch up, the other “go to” on the line could have been in and out already; that goes for both men and women! In addition, if you’re going to a DA and plan on staying over, GET YOURSELF A HOE-BAG OR A HOE KIT! A hoe bag is an essential part of a DA; they should contain a toothbrush, a fresh pair of underwear, a wash cloth and soap, and lotion and deodorant so that you don’t leave looking and smelling funky in the morning. Fellas, you should have a hoe bag too; I repeat fellas, you should ALSO have a hoe bag!! There is nothing more unattractive than  a man waking up in the morning and not having something to brush his teeth with; please do better! Finally, I know I already mentioned what some of us go through to prepare for a DA, but with both types of encounters it is crucial to be as clean as possible; that means taking a shower, a hoe bath, or a real bath! You should not be funky, and carrying endless bacteria with you to your booty call or DA;  brush those teeth too, because oral sex with a dirty mouth can lead to some issues! I bet by now you’re all wondering what this has to do with my point, well DAs give you room to be prepared, and in control, while booty calls are more random and can be really messy both emotionally and physically. That doesn’t mean it’s the case for all booty calls and honestly everyone doesn’t agree on what a booty call is, but they are much different from the cherished DAs!

I remember the first time I heard the term “Dick Appointment,” it was after I got to college and my best friend used it a lot, and I loved the way it sounded. In college and in life, you may see ya homegirl down the hall about to get zicked zown, or you may even have a neighbor getting her back blown out next door, whatever the case, when someone is about to get some you don’t hate on them or talk shit, you say “Yasssssssss go off sis,” because there’s something beautiful about that sort of pussy power. Ladies, if you’ve had a long week or need stress relief, schedule yourself a dick appointment, and if you have a booty call that isn’t more than just a booty call, and you know you like to cuddle and get in your feelings, it may be time to leave those alone and come over to winning team! Well, that’s all I have for today, I’ll be back soon I hope! Please comment on the post at the bottom of the page telling me which one of these you prefer, and discuss it among your friends, the debates are very interesting!! Thanks for reading!

P.S. Ya’ll see SZA, you know why she’s there.

 

Count for what?

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. There was a meme on IG the other day about a woman having options, and how difficult it was to choose just one to come over. I sent it to my group chats, and my friends made comments. One of my friends said, that was about to be her, and the other one said it brought back memories for her. In my pool of friends, I have those who had their hoe phases then find someone worth being with, the ones that break up with their ain’t shit boyfriends and decide to have hoe phases, and then the ones like me who live in the moment, and for us our love life is based on how we feel at that time; I may have a line of dudes I entertain and then decide I want a boyfriend, or I may want to focus on one person exclusively. I’m 23 years old, and I have my whole life to find a husband, for now it’s all about me, and my selfish ass is no longer letting people stay in my space and take up my time when they aren’t worthy, period. One specific topic comes to mind when I think of hoe phases, and multiple relationships; the social construct “body count.”

The topic of body counts makes me think of this guy I dated once. This guy was in my DM’s for months and of course he was hella immature with his approach. This dude would send me emojis instead of words, unsend his messages and all types of other goofy shit. One day, weeks after ending my relationship of nine months with another guy (see post We Need a Resolution for background on him), the guy messaged me again with the eyes emoji. I asked why he couldn’t just say hello, and he was like oh you’re finally responding. I was in a good mood that day and entertained him; I stay getting myself into things. Eventually we went on a date, and it was very nice; I liked him but he was definitely different from my usual type. We were strolling along at the harbor and then as we were walking to the car he asked me how I felt about body counts. Immediately I go into a different mode, like no his ass DID NOT just ask me that; all of the things we could discuss and he decides to ask me about fucking body counts… NIGGAAAAAA! I responded by telling him, I think that body count is a social construct used to make people feel bad about having sex, and when people obsess over it, or judge someone’s worth based off of it, I find them to be immature and ignorant. He paused for a couple of seconds and said, “yeah I think that too.” I could tell his ass was lying, and throughout our short time with each other, he did and said plenty of other things leading me to understand he was sexist and lived by the horrible double standards of our society. He once asked me if I had on an outfit all day, and then said I couldn’t wear it anymore (it was a tube top and pants y’all) because it showed too much; get into this eyeroll. One night we were on the phone and he brought up body count again, and told me his true opinion, that he felt having a lot of sexual partners wasn’t okay, and he didn’t want to be with someone who had more than four. Long story short,  other dumb shit he did led to him being blocked, and ignored.

Body Counts seem to only be an issue when it comes to women. The more sex a man has, the more he is celebrated, but a woman having a lot of sex is instantly slut shamed. The thing is, no matter how many or how few partners a person has had, they don’t have to be honest about it, and you would have to take their word for it. The most important thing about having sex is making sure you’re safe; getting tested regularly when you’re sexually active, whether you trust your partner or not, and using protection. That’s right ladies and gents, condoms, and knowing your status!! As long as a person takes care of their body, and practices safe sex, I could care less about how many partners they’ve had. A woman or man with only  two partners  could be extremely broken, insecure and have a terrible spirit, while someone who has had 15 partners could be full of life, and have a beautiful soul. Judge someone based on their character, not their sex life, unless they’re doing some non consensual or unlawful shit, or something that’s hurting their spirit; that’s the only time I myself will judge based on sex life. Imagine how many women would be happier or could find someone who values them if they weren’t sticking it out with one guy because they didn’t want to add to their body count, or how many men would still have the love of their life if they weren’t trying to conquer all the kitties around them. No, that doesn’t apply to everyone but I know plenty of people who could check that box.  People be having sex, and with multiple partners, and it’s okay. The person being judged for their “body count” is gonna be living their best life in the future, while the haters are miserable and thinking about the person they didn’t pursue. That’s all I have for today, and I can’t say when I’ll be back; I’m busy and it’s hard to find time to write every week, but thanks for reading! If you liked this post please share, and scroll to the bottom of the page and hit FOLLOW! If you’re new to TSM, please check out my other post.

P.S. This week muva Eartha Kitt is gracing your screens. She is the original sex kitten, and lived her life unapologetically which is how I strive to be. I’m sure everyone could take away a gem or two from a woman like that!

Crazy in Love.

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’ve been taking some time to get my thoughts together, because there is a topic that’s been on my heart heavy; the topic of mental health. Recently, we have seen quite a few cases of suicide among celebrities, and I have even seen cases close to home. People so often ignore the signs of poor mental health, and instead of checking in on their loved ones and encouraging them to find help, they  give them lines such as, “stop acting crazy,”  “you’re being extra,”  or assuming that they will be fine and need some time. For so long, especially in the black community, we have been taught that therapy isn’t for us, and to take our burdens to the lord. Let me tell y’all something, the lord placed the tools in these therapist and counselors hands to help us with our issues, take advantage, it’s alright to want better for yourself. I have a lot of experience with mental health issues in my own life, my father being a major one; but myself, friends, other family members, and relationships opened the door even further and helped me realize that mental health issues come in many forms; people live with disorders and illnesses and don’t even realize it. Growing up, so many of us didn’t understand why our parents did things a certain way, or why we ended up making certain choices and a lot of the time it’s a result of our own traumas, and their traumas. We are taught to bury our issues, and not discuss them; dealing with everything in an unhealthy manner. I have dealt with so many issues that I always knew I had, but never really had  a name for them and didn’t know exactly how to deal with them. I was fortunate enough to meet people as an adult who helped me realize certain things about myself, and I learned that counseling is helpful. There were plenty of things however I didn’t learn until I saw them in other people, realizing how problematic and toxic they could be. I often encourage people to seek counseling, and they always give me that damn “bih is you crazy” look. People just aren’t willing to do the work on themselves for themselves and their loved ones, and it’s leading to serious destruction. I truly hope that by seeing enough people embrace it, others will follow suit and seek help.

I had a relationship with someone, (and we’ll call this person T for the remainder of the story) who had serious mental health issues. In the beginning this relationship was beautiful, filled with  passion, fun dates, and new experiences; everything quickly changed. T had a different side, and it had been there long before our relationship began. I saw random tantrums, yes tantrums, and signs of manic depression (bipolar disorder), and I’m not sure what else. I dealt with horrible communication, and T often felt attacked when I brought up things that were bothering me.  I have a soft spot for people like this and convinced myself I could help and although the relationship was toxic as hell, I felt like I had to be there. T had a son, and I felt like for their child at least, they could seek counseling; but T fought me every step of the way. I was constantly getting accused of not caring or understanding, no matter what I said or did,  it was never enough. If I spent too much time away, or more time with my friends T felt that I cared about them more. If the word no ever came out of my mouth, it was as if I had never said yes. I knew that this relationship was unhealthy but I was in too deep. T had childhood trauma dealing with molestation within the family and verbal abuse.  Instead of finding a way to heal that pain , it manifested into deeper issues, and took over their life. T’s family did not want to face the truth, and realize how serious it was, so T often felt alone; I was the only one they had. I finally let go, and it got really ugly, but me leaving pushed T to get help, and get the treatment they needed.

I told that story in the most vague way possible to protect them, but two things came from that relationship. I realized that for the sake of our own mental health, we have to realize we can’t save everyone. Giving someone the tools to find help is important but we can’t feel like we are obligated to see them through, especially if they push us away. The second thing was that mental health issues are not a joke, and we have to talk about it in our families, if not then people can hurt others, and hurt themselves. If T had just one family member who cared, they may have found help a long time ago. Issues with a parent or parents, trauma from sexual, mental or physical abuse, anxiety and depression are not to be taken lightly. Those problems stay with us for all of our days until we decide that they no longer have to. We have to support those who are struggling, and check on those who don’t talk about their problems. We can be strong, but even the most strong need to release , and talk about what’s bothering them. Let people in your life know that you care, and ask them how they are doing; even if it’s just once a month. For our loved ones who are suffering , be patient with them, and encourage them to continue doing the work on themselves. If you happen to be in a relationship with someone who has yet to work through their baggage, encourage them to seek help, and for the sake of your own mental health, let go and get the toxicity out of your life. We deserve happiness, and we deserve to be healthy in every way, don’t let anyone make you feel “crazy”  for reaching for it. That’s all I have for today, I’ll be back next week. In the meantime, if you liked this post please share, and scroll to the bottom of the page and hit FOLLOW! If you’re new to TSM, please check out my other post.

P.S. This week I used Jennifer Lewis for my image. She is one of the most talented and transparent people of our time, and in her book she speaks about her own journey with mental health; it only seemed right to choose such an icon to grace ya’ll with. If you haven’t already, check out her book The Mother of Black Hollywood.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline : 1-800-273-8255

If you’re looking for a therapist in your area, visit http://www.psychologytoday.com ; if being able to afford therapy is an issue for you, there is a way to search for therapists who take your health insurance, so money can’t hold you back from being your best self! XOXO

 

You comin’ or what?

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I haven’t been in the mood to write which is why this post is on bpt. I recently spoke with an older lady, and we began to discuss sex. She told me that she has NEVER HAD AN ORGASM. I froze for a bit after she said this; I mean damn, this woman was in her 70s!  I asked her, what on earth was she having sex for then? She said, “I just thought it was something we’re supposed to do, and of course I wanted children, so I did it but I never really enjoyed sex”. I immediately felt sorry for her and I can’t stop thinking about it. A woman going all of those years without enjoying the sex she was having. I began to think about how many women in the world are in the same predicament; never really getting there, just laying there while their man finishes. Women have been faking orgasms, and boosting up men’s egos for centuries; at what point do we draw the line and say NO, this is not working. When do ALL of us decide that mediocre sex is not normal, and we deserve better. For my ladies that know full well what an orgasm is, know their likes and dislikes, and refuse to settle for less than the best, claps to ya! My ladies who don’t know, or do know but continue to settle, you deserve better, I’m rooting for you! We do not have to settle, and the thing is most people settle before they get the chance to know what real sex feels like.

I dated this guy once who thought he was the man in these sheets (Jeezy Voice). He was so loud about all the things he was gonna do to me. I have realized that most dudes who say they bout it, ain’t really bout shit; it’s those quiet ones we gots to watch out for ladies! The quiet ones will have you doing things you never thought you would; but the loud obnoxious ones, them fools are a whole joke. Back to this guy though. There was no foreplay involved, he went straight to it, which means he could care less about my pleasure. He finally got going and in the words of my girl New New from ATL, this dude was a quick pumper. Now, eventually he got a lil rhythm going, and we had a few different positions, but i did not have an orgasm. Not one. I really liked this guy though, and at some point even loved him; so of course my lack of knowledge on sex and me thinking he was the Darius Lovehall to my Nina Mosley (I was young don’t judge me), allowed me to believe this was okay. I had no idea that pleasure was something I should have been getting, and as far as I was concerned I had got it. I thought that was all sex had to offer, and often did anything I could to get out of having it. How pathetic is that? When I finally had good sex, I refused to turn back. I often think back to that relationship and how much better it would have been if our sex life had been better. Yes, it sucks that he didn’t educate himself to know how important pleasuring a woman is; but it also sucks even more that I didn’t know, and therefore couldn’t express it to him.

For some reason in this country, sex is such a taboo thing; talking about it  freely is still such an awkward conversation for people, and I don’t get it. Sex is natural, and it’s something we as human beings need, yet people get so tense when it’s brought up in conversation. Taking the taboo out of sex is the first step to women having better orgasms. I can’t imagine how many women could be having better sex if they were just open to the conversation. I was so afraid to have sex when I was younger, because I didn’t want to disappoint my family and be labeled as a hoe by society; I saw way too many friends go down that path,  I can’t believe I used to think that way, it was so toxic. Sex is more than just a way to make babies, and losing your virginity does not give you a scarlet letter on your chest! Sex is great for your body; it relieves stress, improves your bladder control, improves your sleep, and has even been said to improve heart health. Face it people, we need sex like we need water and food. So, if that’s the case, why aren’t women enjoying sex? Studies show that about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone, and 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances. Me personally, I believe that if more of us are educated about sex early on, it would take away the stigma of enjoying sex, as well as conversations around it. After removing the stigma, more women and men would care enough to learn their bodies, sexually, and we would have less women making excuses for not being able to scream in pleasure. Men, we need you to educate yourself on the vagina. Women, I want us to always value our own pleasure, and for my women who are over 70; rediscover yourself, get a vibrator of some sort and seek the joy of an orgasm, if you aren’t doing so already. That’s all I have for now, I’ll be back next week hopefully! If you liked this post or any others, hit the follow button so you know when I’m coming.

P.S. The picture you see today is of the genius behind some of my favorite shows, Mara Brock Akil. She’s the reason we had Girlfriends, The Game, Being Mary Jane and more. She created characters for black women to see themselves in. I stan. Look her up.

We need a resolution…

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Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. At this point I think it’s pretty clear who I am, so no need for an introduction; if you’re a new reader then welcome, check out my other posts, I hope you enjoy!  This week I’ve been thinking a lot about communication in relationships. Not only do I have HELLA experience with it, but I’ve listened to a lot of my friends talk about all their issues with it as well. We usually relate to one another on the topic, which means there are endless people walking around not knowing how to effectively communicate their feelings. Most of us have been there; you try to let your partner know how you feel about something they did that you didn’t like , or vice versa, and the listening goes out the window. You both end up talking over each other, yelling and then you’re angry and not speaking at all. I honestly used to be the person who didn’t listen to understand but listened to argue and combat what my partner was saying. It wasn’t until I was on the other side of it, that I realized how disrespectful and annoying it is. All you want is to be heard, understood and respected; but instead you get blamed for being judgmental, negative and/or crazy. No matter what you say and how nice you say it, if your partner doesn’t agree with it then it’s not facts, and you can shove it. I know, irritating as hell right?

I once dated a guy who was older than me (I’m totally gonna talk about that experience in full another time), and our communication was ASS! As soon as I would open my mouth to speak on something, he felt attacked. I once told him that I disliked the way he tried to tell me what to do all the time. He wanted to control everything, and often told me I wasn’t doing enough; keep in mind that I was a full-time student, with a job and an internship at the time. His response was that he talks to everyone in his family that way, and they don’t complain. So just because they decided to deal with his bullshit, I had to? Bihhhhhh please. He refused to change his behavior because he believed he did nothing wrong, no matter how much it bothered me. How can you love a person and not respect their feelings? Anyway, that relationship was so problematic but taught me so much about myself, and how things absolutely shouldn’t be with love. He definitely had issues stemming from his childhood that contributed to the way he viewed effective communication. His mother was a narcissist, and often played the victim role in every aspect of her life, and he definitely had some daddy issues. There’s more but lemme not step on his neck. Our relationship eventually came to an end because I refused to continue dealing with that shit. I had my own stuff to work through, I could not be his girlfriend/emotional punching bag and therapist.

Hearing my friends talk about their issues with being able to talk to their partners made me realize how often children, especially in the Black community are raised not really being able to talk about how we feel. We get shut down, and told to shut up as soon as we open our mouths. If we do get the chance to speak up, many of us are told to stay in a child’s place. There should be boundaries on parents and children as far a communication, but I personally believe children deserve respect just as much as parents. If more children have a clear understanding of mutual respect, we would have less adults with no clue to what respect in a relationship means. Respect and communication go hand in hand. In order to respect each other in a partnership, both partners have to be able TALK AND LISTEN. Many people realize this once it’s too late; and lose a good woman or man because they couldn’t come to terms with being wrong, or understand the feelings of their partner. It’s generational, and failed communication is cause of so many divorces, failed and toxic relationships. Moving forward, we have to be able to put our pride to the side for those we love. If not, then why waste your time and their time? Well that’s all for today, I’ll return next week. Hit the follow button this time so you know when I’m coming (Awkwardly winks).

P.S. This week you’re seeing a dope ass picture of Zora Neale Hurston. That woman needs her own biopic, her story has layers. Harper-Collins recently published a new book by Auntie Zora called Barracoon, be sure to check it out!

Unicorns…..

Dandridge

Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. I’m a serial monogamist, and this week I’ve been thinking a lot about my unicorn. I know what everyone is thinking, why the fuck is she talking about unicorns? My unicorn is not the mythical horse with the rainbow horn; it’s actually just as mysterious and hard to catch though. My unicorn is my dream man, the kind that has everything you could possibly want but they won’t be with you exclusively for shit. I know plenty of women and men who have unicorns, and we’re all out here struggling to let go.  There is nothing worse than having one person who makes you feel like that Ella Mai song “Boo’d Up”; and just like those lyrics say, “now I’ll never get over you until I find something new, that get me high like you do”. Yeah, that person just popped into your head; cue the stressed out emoji face. A unicorn can make everything feel perfect and get you so high nothing can piss you off; then something does piss you off, and your unicorn is right there to make it better. Then your unicorn pisses you off and your stuck because although that unicorn ain’t shit, there is no one else out there like him/her. Believe me, I know because I have tried to replace him, and nobody is reaching that level. Probably another reason for my series of relationships.

I met my unicorn 3 years ago. He was dusty , and looked like he needed my help when we met, and so our friendship was formed based off me thinking he was cool but could use some work in the social department. His dress game was weak, and something about him was kinda creepy, but not a bad creepy; just creepy enough that no one would want to date him. We connected over music and other stuff that most people at HBCU’s don’t give a fuck about. Time went on, and I kinda gained feelings for him. He began to dress better, cut his super curly fro, and toned up his muscles a bit. He got really cute out of nowhere y’all. Then he started doing the most for some random girl he met, and although I supported it, I was definitely jealous. He once gave shawty a picnic lunch on a roof, with crab legs and wine, and he also wrote her a song. At the time, I had dudes on my line so why should I care right? It was just something about him, but I tried to convince myself I was trippin’. Then, it happened; he joked about us having sex, and at the end of the conversation I was telling him we should do it for real. Biggest mistake I ever made. We chose the date, and although I was curious about his skills I thought he would be mediocre, and I could move on and continue our friendship as is. WRONG!!! This man took me half way across the world and back in an hour. I had an orgasm for the first time with him(several actually), and realized I DID NOT KNOW WHAT SEX WAS BEFORE. That one hit had me hooked, and for three years I have been back and forth; trying to move on, not wanting to let go, and trying to find someone that makes me feel like that. No one comes close.

Not only was the sex amazing; but he’s a writer, musician, and super smart guy that can cook, is very clean, and gives a fuck about his hygiene. We can talk on the phone for hours about anything, and laugh till our stomachs come out of our chest. Thus, making him a unicorn. I find myself always comparing other people to him. No matter how long we go without speaking because I’m mad about something, I find myself back in that same spot again. Recently though, he said something that I can’t forgive so we may be finished forever. I’ll talk about my unicorn again later down the road, and fill ya’ll in on all the drama that comes with him. Long story short, he is incapable of being in a relationship because of his own issues and traumas. He could give me his story a million times; and I still won’t understand how two people with amazing ass chemistry, an awesome friendship and great sex to top it off could just not be. Then I realized, he’s a unicorn for a reason; unicorns aren’t suppose to belong to anyone….. they just be out here popping up and disappearing, remaining mysterious as fuck. People, we are not catching these unicorns; but what’s the alternative? Do we continue to try and top them, or just settle for someone who doesn’t quite make you feel the same way? Welp, that’s all I have for today. I’ll return next week.

P.S. This week, the lovely woman gracing your screens is the incomparable Dorothy Dandridge. Type that unsung beauty’s name into google. See ya.