Hello to all my serial monogamist, serial daters, and single people who just want to live free of commitment. There was a meme on IG the other day about a woman having options, and how difficult it was to choose just one to come over. I sent it to my group chats, and my friends made comments. One of my friends said, that was about to be her, and the other one said it brought back memories for her. In my pool of friends, I have those who had their hoe phases then find someone worth being with, the ones that break up with their ain’t shit boyfriends and decide to have hoe phases, and then the ones like me who live in the moment, and for us our love life is based on how we feel at that time; I may have a line of dudes I entertain and then decide I want a boyfriend, or I may want to focus on one person exclusively. I’m 23 years old, and I have my whole life to find a husband, for now it’s all about me, and my selfish ass is no longer letting people stay in my space and take up my time when they aren’t worthy, period. One specific topic comes to mind when I think of hoe phases, and multiple relationships; the social construct “body count.”
The topic of body counts makes me think of this guy I dated once. This guy was in my DM’s for months and of course he was hella immature with his approach. This dude would send me emojis instead of words, unsend his messages and all types of other goofy shit. One day, weeks after ending my relationship of nine months with another guy (see post We Need a Resolution for background on him), the guy messaged me again with the eyes emoji. I asked why he couldn’t just say hello, and he was like oh you’re finally responding. I was in a good mood that day and entertained him; I stay getting myself into things. Eventually we went on a date, and it was very nice; I liked him but he was definitely different from my usual type. We were strolling along at the harbor and then as we were walking to the car he asked me how I felt about body counts. Immediately I go into a different mode, like no his ass DID NOT just ask me that; all of the things we could discuss and he decides to ask me about fucking body counts… NIGGAAAAAA! I responded by telling him, I think that body count is a social construct used to make people feel bad about having sex, and when people obsess over it, or judge someone’s worth based off of it, I find them to be immature and ignorant. He paused for a couple of seconds and said, “yeah I think that too.” I could tell his ass was lying, and throughout our short time with each other, he did and said plenty of other things leading me to understand he was sexist and lived by the horrible double standards of our society. He once asked me if I had on an outfit all day, and then said I couldn’t wear it anymore (it was a tube top and pants y’all) because it showed too much; get into this eyeroll. One night we were on the phone and he brought up body count again, and told me his true opinion, that he felt having a lot of sexual partners wasn’t okay, and he didn’t want to be with someone who had more than four. Long story short, other dumb shit he did led to him being blocked, and ignored.
Body Counts seem to only be an issue when it comes to women. The more sex a man has, the more he is celebrated, but a woman having a lot of sex is instantly slut shamed. The thing is, no matter how many or how few partners a person has had, they don’t have to be honest about it, and you would have to take their word for it. The most important thing about having sex is making sure you’re safe; getting tested regularly when you’re sexually active, whether you trust your partner or not, and using protection. That’s right ladies and gents, condoms, and knowing your status!! As long as a person takes care of their body, and practices safe sex, I could care less about how many partners they’ve had. A woman or man with only two partners could be extremely broken, insecure and have a terrible spirit, while someone who has had 15 partners could be full of life, and have a beautiful soul. Judge someone based on their character, not their sex life, unless they’re doing some non consensual or unlawful shit, or something that’s hurting their spirit; that’s the only time I myself will judge based on sex life. Imagine how many women would be happier or could find someone who values them if they weren’t sticking it out with one guy because they didn’t want to add to their body count, or how many men would still have the love of their life if they weren’t trying to conquer all the kitties around them. No, that doesn’t apply to everyone but I know plenty of people who could check that box. People be having sex, and with multiple partners, and it’s okay. The person being judged for their “body count” is gonna be living their best life in the future, while the haters are miserable and thinking about the person they didn’t pursue. That’s all I have for today, and I can’t say when I’ll be back; I’m busy and it’s hard to find time to write every week, but thanks for reading! If you liked this post please share, and scroll to the bottom of the page and hit FOLLOW! If you’re new to TSM, please check out my other post.
P.S. This week muva Eartha Kitt is gracing your screens. She is the original sex kitten, and lived her life unapologetically which is how I strive to be. I’m sure everyone could take away a gem or two from a woman like that!